Fear The Eyebrows!
by Satanira
Summary: Dorothy’s eyebrows cause major panic and widespread chaos on a difficult mission of dimension-hopping chases, super-powered chicks in mini skirts, and insane girls with strange catch phrases. DISCONTINUED!
1. Beginning

Satanira- Hey, people! Guess what? I found a muse! glomps Chibi Hiroyuki  
  
Chibi Hiroyuki- Not only did I get a pay raise, but I've also been promoted, and a hot babe's glomping me. Ah, life is perfect....  
  
Saotome- Chibi Hiroyuki no baka! whacks CH w/a frying pan  
  
Satanira- He may be a hentai-ish idiot, but he's still my use, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't kill him, Sao.  
  
Saotome- Kay. walks away humming  
  
Chibi Hiroyuki- Now, in my new post as Head Muse, I command you work on Randomness once you've uploaded this!  
  
Satanira- Kay! plops down at da comp and gets to work  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own Gundam Wing, Trigun, or any related materials.  
  
Warnings Mild Dorothy-bashing, heavy Relena-bashing, yaoi, yuri, general insanity, major OOC warning  
  
Fear The Eyebrows!  
  
"Yikes." Satanira said, blinking repeatedly at her laptop. "That right there's a scary thought."  
  
"Shut up." Heero's image muttered crossly. "Look, I really hate saying this, but we need you for this. We're not sure how these idiots got a hold of your technology, but they did, and only more of your mechanical magic can counter it."  
  
"Did you just ask me to help you?" Satanira gasped in mock- disbelief, absently brushing light blonde bangs out of her shining orange eyes. "I do believe I'm going to faint."  
  
"Goddammit, woman!" Heero snapped, giving her one of his patented Heero Yuy Glares-O-Death [TM]. "Stop fooling around! This is serious! Do you know what kind of things they could bring back from other dimensions?"  
  
"I do believe I already said that that right there's a scary thought. Of course I'll help you. How can I pass up a chance at an all-expense paid interdimensional mission/trip? When should I be there?"  
  
"Day after tomorrow at o-five-hundred hours."  
  
"FIVE O-FUCKING-CLOCK IN THE MORNING?!?!" Satanira demanded explosively. "I'm going to go take a nap." She muttered. "Five o-clock in the morning. I can't believe you fucking military types. See ya, Hee- chan."  
  
"Don't call me Hee-chan!" Heero yelled as Satanira waved cheerfully and ended the call.  
  
"Oh, Heero, if you only realized." Satanira sighed happily, shaking her head at the blank screen. "If you only knew."  
  
Two Days Later   
  
Satanira yawned hugely in response to Duo's question of how she was feeling. She felt that was answer enough, and saying she was feeling tired would be utterly redundant, so she remained silent as she waited for Quatre and Trowa to finish packing breakfast.  
  
A ridiculous thing, packing breakfast. Breakfast was meant to be eaten at the table with fresh coffee, family and friends, and sleepy chatter while everyone tried their hardest to wake up. The only meal Satanira thought should be eaten on the run was lunch, and that was only if it was with friends in the midst of some fun and energy-burning activity.  
  
"Eating breakfast on the run should be a crime." She muttered crossly, glaring at the individually wrapped bacon egg and cheese sandwiches Quatre was stacking neatly in one of the thermal coolers. "Either you eat it at a table like you're supposed to, or you go hungry till your morning snack."  
  
"You sure are an opinionated woman." Duo observed, far too awake and hyper for five in the morning.  
  
"And I've got a gun." Satanira said around another heavy yawn.  
  
"I'll bet you do." Duo agreed, edging away slightly.  
  
"Shut up, Maxwell." Wufei muttered crossly as he sipped a steaming mug of strong black coffee, much closer to Satanira's idea of morning awareness.  
  
"You guys are no fun in the morning." Duo complained.  
  
"Well, thank you, Captain Obvious." Satanira said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "When you discover that my hair is yellow, please do tell me. I'd hate to miss out on something else I already know."  
  
"Hmph." Duo hmphed, crossing his arms and pouting.  
  
"Bad news, guys." Heero said suddenly. "We have to go undercover as couples for this mission."  
  
"Oh, oh, oh! I want Wu-man!" Duo exclaimed excitedly, jumping up and down.  
  
"Boy/girl couples, baka." Heero corrected. "Which means we'll have to find some girls to take with us."  
  
"Catherine, Dorothy, Sally Po, and...." Quatre paused, not sure of who else to name.  
  
"Let's get them over here for now." Satanira said. "If one of them happens to bring a friend, our problems are solved."  
  
One Huge Mistake Later   
  
"If I'd known Relena was over at Dorothy's I'd never, ever, ever have considered calling her." Satanira groaned.  
  
"It's all right, Nira-chan." Catherine said soothingly, patting the young blond's back. "Hindsight is ever perfect. You've said so yourself plenty of times."  
  
"I know." Satanira agreed, her voice muffled by the fact that her face was currently buried in her hands. "I know. But that doesn't change the fact that she's here and we have to deal with her."  
  
"Yes!" Came a shout from the next room, which sounded suspiciously like Heero. "Yes! Saved! I've been saved by an angel in disguise!"  
  
"You think he might have to pretend to be Relena's boyfriend and snapped?" Sally Po asked, quirking one eyebrow.  
  
"No, I think he gets to be someone else's boyfriend for the mission, and was so overwhelmed by his good luck that he forgot he's supposed to be emotionless." Satanira offered, grinning, just as the object of their discussion burst into the room and glomped (A/N- yes, glomped. He's being human for once. Didn't you see the OOC warning?) Satanira.  
  
"I get to be your boyfriend!" He shouted excitedly, rubbing his cheek against her chest, totally oblivious to the pounding he was earning himself. "You've saved me from the psycho brunette bitch from hell! I love you forever, Nira-chan!"  
  
The psycho brunette bitch from hell walked in then to see the object of her obsession latched onto and professing his love to the crazy blonde fiend from Hades. "What did you do to my Heero?" Relena demanded, pointing an accusing finger at Satanira.  
  
"I suppose you don't notice that I happen to be effectively trapped and have a man's face stuck to my chest, then?" Satanira asked quietly, one eyebrow twitching dangerously. "And since when is he 'your' Heero, huh? I could have sworn he belonged to himself, not you!"  
  
"He's always been mine!" Relena shrieked as the other boys came out, each holding a different color straw.  
  
"Come, Miss Relena." Quatre said politely, taking the ranting teen by the arm and steering her out of the room. "Let's go buy you a nice pink sundress. I hear it's quite warm where we're going, and a perfect place to tan."  
  
"Really?" Relena asked, completely forgetting about her precious Heero at the mention of pink clothes and good tanning spots.  
  
"Oh, yes." Quatre assured her with a sweet smile. "I think we should get you a new pair of sandals as well. Feet as delicate as yours will need to breath. And sun block. We wouldn't want to ruin such lovely skin, now would we?" The front door closed on a squealed, "Q-chan, you're always so nice to me!"  
  
"Now that she's gone," Duo said, snorting with amusement as Satanira began banging Heero upside the head repeatedly with a frying pan. "We all drew straws, and the assignments are as follows: Heero and Satanira, Quatre and the psycho brunette bitch from hell, Trowa and Dorothy, Wufei and Catherine, and me and Sally Po. Let's all go get our stuff together, and don't forget to only pack summer stuff and lots of sunscreen. We're going to be using more of the wonderful Miss Satanira's mechanical magic to store stuff for other seasons, so don't worry about that." Duo grinned boyishly as he swept Sally Po off her feet and carried her towards the stairs. "You and me, Sal, we gotta get our stories straight." He said cheerfully.  
  
"He's having fun." Catherine observed with a smile. "Well, Mister Chang, we also have some things to discuss while we pack. Lead the way."  
  
"I think I like you, woman." Wufei commented. "I really think I do."  
  
"Hey, Nira-chan!" Catherine called from halfway up the stairs, struck by a sudden thought. "If you keep knocking him around like that, you won't have anyone to buy you stuff on this trip!"  
  
"Meanie!" Satanira called back, although she did put away the frying pan and drag Heero off to see what kind of stuff he'd packed, Leaving Dorothy and Trowa alone in the living room.  
  
"Shall we gather my supplies, then?" Dorothy suggested, smoothing one of her odd eyebrows.  
  
"....." Trowa agreed, gesturing for Dorothy to take the lead.  
  
Several Days Later, Planet Gunsmoke   
  
"Wow!" Relena exclaimed, staring at a particularly adorable doll placed on a shelf above the shop counter. "Q-chan, can I have that one? The one with red curls and the long pink dress? Pretty please?" The brunette had decided that being Quatre's girlfriend, if only for this one mission, was much better than being Heero's, judging by the amount of fights he and Satanira had on a daily basis.  
  
"You're wish is my command." Quatre said with an extravagant bow that brought his wallet into the open. "How much for the redhead in pink?" He asked the shopkeeper, who laughed at the two.  
  
"You really love this pretty young thing?" He asked, turning to take the doll down. "Thirty double dollars."  
  
"Yes, sir." Quatre replied, taking out the required amount of Gunsmoke's planetary currency as the shopkeeper carefully packed his purchase in a small box. "Very much so." And that wasn't entirely a lie, either. Quatre had found himself falling for Relena since discovering that, apart from her obsession with Heero, she was actually very sweet, though childish at times.  
  
"In that case, I'd like you two to have a little something extra." Another small box was placed on the rough wood and opened to reveal two matching antique bracelets, beautifully crafted of twisting silver and gold ropes. "These were meant for my son and his wife, but I never did have a son, and now that I've no one to mother one, I'd like you to have them."  
  
"Sir, we couldn't possibly accept these!" Relena exclaimed wonderingly. "They must be very precious to you!"  
  
"What good are precious things to someone as old as me?" The shopkeeper countered, removing the bracelets and clipping one onto Relena's wrist and the other onto Quatre's. "Since I've no one to leave them to, it only seems right that two as in love as you seem should take them, so you can give them to your oldest son. Now make this old fool glad and accept them."  
  
"Gladly." Quatre said suddenly after a long silent moment. "I have no father to give me such a thing; perhaps we can look on each other a surrogates."  
  
"I'd be happy to." The shopkeeper agreed, handing the doll to Relena and bidding the children good-bye.  
  
"Thank you so much, sir!" Relena called as she ran out the door after Quatre, her pink skirt billowing in a soft, hot breeze.  
  
Since she was too busy staring at the bracelet around her wrist to watch where she was going, it was no wonder she ran into someone and fell, the box from the shop flying out of her hands.  
  
"My doll!" She exclaimed, looking frantically around for it.  
  
"It's okay; Needle Noggin caught it." The person she'd bumped into, a tall man with black hair and gray eyes, in dark clothing with a giant cross on one shoulder, said, offering her a hand up.  
  
"Needle... Noggin?" Relena repeated, confused, and she accepted the man's hand.  
  
"Relena, are you all right?" Quatre was suddenly next to her, checking her palms, elbows and knees for bruises or scrapes.  
  
"I dropped the doll." Relena mumbled, suddenly flushing with embarrassment. Quatre had just spent $$30 on that doll for her, and she'd gone and dropped it.  
  
"Who cares about the doll?" Quatre asked, producing a clean square of light blue cloth from nowhere and gently wiping her left palm. "You're bleeding. That, I think, is a little more important than the doll."  
  
"He's right, you know, Miss." Another man, this one with spiky bright blonde hair and aqua eyes dressed in a bright red overcoat said, holding out the box. "But you're all right and the doll's all right, and that's all that really- hey! That's a neat bracelet set you two are wearing! Where'd you get those?"  
  
"Don't ask so many questions, Needle Noggin." The dark man grumbled, putting on a pair of dark sunglasses.  
  
"Mr. Vash! Mr. Wolfwood!" A tall woman with long brown hair dressed in yellow and green called, waving excitedly. "Merle-sempai says it's time to leave, before-" The giant of a woman was cut off by the sound of panicked screaming.  
  
"I didn't do nuthin!" The blonde exclaimed, throwing both hands up at shoulder height. "You were with me the entire time!"  
  
"Dorothy." Quatre and Relena said simultaneously.  
  
"Dorothy?" The dark man asked. "Who and/or what the hell's Dorothy, and how could she and/or it be causing this?"  
  
"... I think you should come with us and see for yourself." Relena suggested, smiling apologetically at the three adults as she took off after Quatre in the direction of the sounds of chaos.  
  
The Site of an Impending Riot   
  
Trowa sighed inwardly, shaking his head. Dorothy was a very nice girl, intelligent, and didn't mind in the least that Trowa himself rarely spoke. But she seriously needed to wax those goddamn eyebrows of hers. It was cursed hard going undercover with a partner that struck fear into the hearts of millions with her facial hair.  
  
"....." Trowa suggested delicately, glancing around at the panicking citizens who could soon become a crazed mob.  
  
"But the hat makes my hair get all mushy!" Dorothy complained, although she did reluctantly take out the floppy blue hat they'd picked out and jam it down on her head, effectively hiding her eyebrows. "I don't get what all the fuss is about ,anyway." The blonde pouted, and Trowa didn't want to be the one to enlighten her on the subject.  
  
"....." He said instead.  
  
"Oh, I wanna go to that place we ate at this morning!" Dorothy exclaimed excitedly. "You're buying, right?"  
  
"...."  
  
"Good. I left all my stuff at the hotel."  
  
"Dorothy! Trowa!" Quatre's young voice called behind the couple. "Wait up!"  
  
"Dorothy! Dorothydorothydorothy!" Relena yelled, sounding closer than Quatre, although she was really a few yards behind him. "Dorothy, you just gotta see what Q-chan got for me!"  
  
Quatre and Relena caught up to their friends, followed closely by Mr. Wolfwood, Mr. Vash, the brunette giant, and a small woman the giant called Merle-sempai.  
  
"This is Dorothy?" The blond asked, looking Dorothy up and down. "How can she cause a riot?"  
  
"......." Trowa said.  
  
"But you just told me to put it on!" Dorothy shrieked, earning her strange stares from three of the adults, who were certain Trowa's mouth hadn't moved a millimeter.  
  
"........"  
  
"Oh. Okay, then." Dorothy sighed, reaching up and pulling off the sunhat.  
  
"Argh!" The giant woman shrieked, scrambling backward into a wall as her partner fainted dead away, the priest dropped to his knees and began praying frantically, and the blond man stood staring, too frightened to move.  
  
"I...see what you meant." Vash finally managed to say, as Dorothy put her hat back on.  
  
"But remember, Trowa-chan, you owe me the biggest ice cream they have in town!" Dorothy reminded the Unabang crossly.  
  
"........." Trowa agreed, taking his pretend girlfriend by the arm and steering her towards the nearest restaurant.  
  
"Good. I always thought you were a man of your word, but a girl can never be too careful nowadays."  
  
"What word?" Wolfwood demanded, scratching his head in confusion. "He didn't say anything! Is that chick insane?"  
  
Quatre smiled tolerantly up at the priest, truly pitying anyone who couldn't understand Trowa's silent language.  
  
"Are you going deaf or something?" Vash asked, staring at Wolfwood. "He just said he never goes back on a promise. Couldn't you hear him?"  
  
"Actually, no, Needle Noggin, because he didn't say anything!"  
  
"Yes, he did." Relena said crossly, not liking the way Wolfwood was talking to the man who had saved her doll. "And if you didn't hear him, then I feel sorry for you!" With that, she skipped over to Vash, stood up on tip-toe, and kissed his cheek before sauntering off after Dorothy, keeping a lookout for the others.  
  
"Doesn't that girl of yours have any manners?" Wolfwood asked Quatre, blinking as he found himself staring down the barrel of a gun.  
  
"Never insult Miss Relena in my presence again, or you will regret it." The blond Arabian warned quietly. "Am I understood?"  
  
A Few Streets Over   
  
"Catherine! Wufei! Wait up!" Relena called cheerfully.  
  
"Hey, Relena!" Catherine called back with a forced smile, waving.  
  
"I'm going into that weapons shop." Wufei said shortly. "It wouldn't do to kill the onna."  
  
"You want to calm down so you go look at weapons?" Catherine asked the air as the Chinese pilot stalked away. "Really smart, Wufei. In-friggin- genius, you baka."  
  
"Catherine, you just have to see what the shopkeeper at the doll store gave me and Q-chan!" Relena exclaimed, skidding to a halt in front of the brunette knife woman. "Look!" She held up her wrist proudly, displaying the antique bracelet for her 'friend.'  
  
"Oh, my god!" Catherine shrieked, reaching out as if to touch the piece of jewelry, then stopped herself, afraid she might damage it. "It's beautiful!"  
  
"I know." Relena said, sighing happily. "The shopkeeper said that since he had no kids to leave them to, he wanted to give them to us."  
  
"Give?" Catherine questioned, surprised. "This looks like it costs a fortune! And he just handed it over and said, 'here, you can have it'? Relena-san, you have got to be the luckiest girl in the universe!"  
  
A Shop Nearby   
  
"Woman, will you stop that?" Heero demanded angrily for about the twenty-millionth time that day.  
  
"No." Satanira stated firmly, wrapping her arms even tighter around the Perfect Soldier's arm. "The deal was that since I saved you from being Relena's boyfriend, I get to do anything I want. That's appropriate." She added at Heero's Glare of Death. "You know, it's too bad you can't bottle and sell that indifference." She continued sarcastically. "You'd make a killing."  
  
"Look, woman, you're starting to wear on my nerves, so stop it!"  
  
"Twenty million and one." Sally Po said, chuckling.  
  
"Actually, I think it's twenty million and two." Duo countered, picking up a small, curved throwing knife. "You think Cathy would like this one?"  
  
"I think these suit her better." Satanira countered, freeing one hand long enough to point at a stainless steel knife kit of ten blades. Each was a different length, with a different symbol carved into the otherwise plain handle.  
  
"Yeah, those are much better!" Sally Po exclaimed, picking up the smallest one. "She'll love these!"  
  
"So we've got our circus girl taken care of, and now we can eat!" Duo exclaimed, snatching up the kit and bounding to the counter.  
  
"He gets no sugar." Heero said crossly as Duo paid. "No sugar whatsoever for the next twenty-four hours."  
  
End Chapter One   
  
Satanira- Yay!  
  
Chibi Hiroyuki- What to go, Boss-Babe!  
  
Satanira- (glomps CH) You're the best muse ever!  
  
Chibi Hiroyuki- (drools in a hentai-ish fashion)  
  
Satanira- Also, to all fans of a certain blond Arabian, sorry about the whole making Q-chan fall in love with the psycho brunette bitch from hell. I'm still not sure why I did that. Blame the muse!  
  
Chibi Hiroyuki- (stops in the middle of a perverted chuckle) Why me?  
  
Satanira- Because you're my muse, and muses are for inspiration.  
  
Chibi Hiroyuki- Well, maybe I don't want to be your muse anymore.  
  
Satanira- Then you'll have to go back to Saotome.  
  
Chibi Hiroyuki- But she never glomps me!  
  
Satanira- Then I guess you're stuck with me, if you wanna get glomped.  
  
Chibi Hiroyuki- Well, can you glomp me one more time this chapter?  
  
Satanira- Kay! (glomps CH)  
  
Chibi Hiroyuki- (sighs in heavenly bliss) 


	2. Returning

Yo.  
  
Chapter two, complete. Don't know why I'm still writing this. No one seems to like it.  
  
sniffles at the zero reviews  
  
Rating and genres have changed, because this story has a mind of its own.  
  
Nighttime on Gunsmoke   
  
Heero rubbed his arm gingerly, wondering if the limb would be able to survive another day of Satanira hanging onto it.  
  
Speaking of certain blonde fiends from Hades, Satanira herself was curled up in the chair next to the bed, fast asleep with a thick book in her lap. Her waist-length hair was loose, falling over her shoulders like a cape, and her knee length skirt was bunched up at her hips.  
  
She's either going to catch a cold or throw out her back, sleeping like that. Heero thought, exasperated. The girl just did not know how to take care of herself. She could invent a machine to save the world in less than a week, but she didn't have the sensibility to sleep in a bed.  
  
He carefully took the book, marked her page, and set it on the nightstand, picked her up, and tucked her into bed before climbing under the covers himself.  
  
Near midnight, Heero woke up to find Satanira's face buried between his shoulder blades and her arms around his chest, clinging almost desperately. She was muttering in her sleep and crying, something he'd never have expected of her.  
  
He squirmed around until he was facing her and carefully wrapped his arms around her shoulders, deciding that waking her up would not be a good thing.  
  
Almost immediately, Satanira's sobs lessened and stopped, and her face settled into a much more peaceful expression. Her arms relaxed, and she fell into a deeper sleep. But the moment he started to pull away, she began to shiver violently, so he stayed where he was.  
  
Eventually, he, too, fell asleep.  
  
The Next Morning   
  
Satanira stretched and yawned, fighting the incredible urge to fall back onto the soft bed behind her. It felt as if she hadn't slept at all last night. Those damned dreams just wouldn't give her any rest.  
  
"Hey, Heero," She said quietly as she shoved the last of her books into her bag and turning to her roommate. "Did I talk in my sleep at all last night?"  
  
"Yeah." Heero replied from the chair next to the bed, having finished packing long ago.  
  
"What did I...say?"  
  
"I couldn't understand." Heero stood up, closing his book and tossing it on the bed. He crossed the small hotel room and slammed his hands against the wall on either side of the blond. "But I do know that you were crying. Why?"  
  
"I...I was...crying?" She sounded bewildered, frightened, and a little worried.  
  
"Yes. Care to tell me why?"  
  
"N-no. I don't." Satanira averted her eyes, staring at the floor to her left. "You wouldn't understand."  
  
"The hell I won't." Heero crossed his arms across his chest, glaring at her. "You know I'm going to find out sooner or later."  
  
"Maybe." Satanira said, grabbing her bag, opening the door, and stepping out into the hallway. "But I'm not telling you until I'm ready, dammit!" With that, she slammed the door behind her.  
  
The sound of running feet in the hall gave Duo about a half-second warning before a blond lightning bolt nearly tore the door to his room off the hinges.  
  
"Heero no baka!!!" Satanira screamed, throwing herself at the Deathscythe pilot.  
  
"What's wrong, Nira-chan?" Duo asked, giving in to gravity and plopping down on the bed, bringing Satanira with him. "What'd he do this time?"  
  
"You remember what we talked about last Christmas?" Satanira asked, pausing until he nodded. "Well, I had a nightmare about it last night. I was crying in my sleep, and he asked me why. He wouldn't leave me alone! And when I say I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to talk about it, dammit!"  
  
"What's going on, you two?" Sally Po asked, standing in the doorway with two large mugs. "Which one of you was screaming just now?"  
  
"That would be me." Satanira said, wiping her cheeks. "Heero was being an ass again, and Duo's my crying shoulder. We're leaving today, with or without what we came to get. Tell the others for me, okay?"  
  
"Sure thing." Duo said, grinning. "Take Quatre and Relena with you when you go talk to them. She may be a ditzy airhead, but she's good at getting people to do what she wants."  
  
"I'll do that." Satanira agreed, snagging on of the mugs from Sally Po and downing it in one breath. "All of you meet me out by the ship around noon." She added, waving as she ran out of the room.  
  
Later That Morning   
  
"Let me get this straight." Wolfwood said, leaning across the table and staring at Quatre. "You and your whole group are from a different dimension. You came here to find someone to help save said dimension, and you want us to drop everything and go with you, no questions asked? Don't you think that's a bit too big a leap of faith, there?"  
  
"No." Quatre said. "First of all, we're willing to answer any question you put before us, if we can. You can come and see our transport vehicle for yourself. And do you really think someone like Dorothy could have existed on this planet for fifteen years without you knowing?"  
  
"He's got a point there." Vash said, pausing in his inhalation of donuts. "I think she'd be more famous than me."  
  
"Shut up, Needle Noggin." Wolfwood muttered crossly.  
  
Time for our trump card. Satanira thought, squeezing Relena's hand under the table. The blond had agreed to let Quatre and Relena do all the talking, since either one had twice her persuasive powers.  
  
"The people we're following have been here already." Relena said, assuming her 'I'm talking now, and you damn well better listen to me' face and voice. "They managed to convince a certain person by the name of Knives Millions to join them. As close as you two are to this man, you may be the only ones who can prevent his destroying numerous dimensions."  
  
At the mention of Knives, both men reacted exactly as Satanira had predicted. Wolfwood, with fear and apprehension. Vash, with anger, and maybe a little fear.  
  
"Would you please just consider our proposition?" Quatre pressed, leaning forward slightly.  
  
"Think of the havoc Knives could wreak with the full support of one of our world's greatest powers." Relena added earnestly. "And we have nothing that could stop him. Please. I'm asking you to save my world. Billions of people will die if you don't help us!"  
  
"Should we?" Wolfwood asked, glancing at Vash.  
  
"I don't see that we have any choice." Vash responded, sighing. "I don't know about you, but if billions of innocent lives are riding on this, there's only one decision I can make. I'm going."  
  
"Guess I am, too." The priest sighed heavily, resting his forehead in one hand. "And damn you Knives, for this whole mess."  
  
"Thank you both so much!" Relena exclaimed, smiling charmingly at the two men. "You have no idea how much this means to all of us!"  
  
"Yo-kay, Princess, they get the picture." Satanira said, standing up and adjusting the tanktop she'd stolen from Heero. "You two get packed and meet us back at our hotel, pronto. We've got a schedule to keep."  
  
"I think I like the chick with the eyebrows better." Wolfwood muttered, earning him a kick in the shin as he passed Satanira.  
  
"I heard that, Priest. And not even god can stop me from killing you if I want to."  
  
"Yikes! Okay! Just let me leave with my life!"  
  
Aboard the Battleship Arcadia   
  
"Hey, Heero, have you seen Satanira?" Sally Po asked, peering around the doorframe to Heero's cabin. "No one can find her."  
  
"She's outside." Heero responded without glancing up from his book. "You should leave her alone."  
  
"O... kay..." She said bewilderedly. "What about Duo?"  
  
"He's with Satanira."  
  
"And just what would they be doing?" Sally Po wondered, moving to lean against the doorframe. "We happen to be traveling at about three light-years per hour towards the jump point. This is not the time for a pleasurable space walk."  
  
"Satanira's not as strong as you think she is." Heero said suddenly, snapping his book shut. "Treat her like a human instead of a goddess; we'll all be better off in the long run." With that, he brushed past the brunette woman, headed for the main control room.  
  
Outside the Battleship Arcadia   
  
"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Duo asked, turning so that he could actually see Satanira. "I mean, it's pretty big stuff for you."  
"I didn't want you to worry." Satanira replied, her helmet facing her feet. "You had enough on your plate when I found out, and it wouldn't have been fair to burden you further."  
"It's no burden." Duo countered, draping one arm across her shoulders. "We're friends, Nira-chan. If you can't 'burden' anyone else with this stuff, at least you can get it off your chest with me, right?"  
"I suppose so." She sighed, standing carefully. "We should be arriving at the jump point soon. Let's get back inside, okay?"  
  
Central Command Room   
  
"So what exactly do the people we're looking for look like?" Duo asked, plopping down on one of the central command room's several soft couches. "Wouldn't want to pass them by or anything."  
  
"That's going to be difficult." Satanira said, smiling as she opened the appropriate files. "First off, there's Botan. She's got light blue hair down to her ass, and could very well be flying around on an oar. She's this world's grim reaper."  
  
The oar-riding, kimono-wearing, blue-haired servant of Koenma smiled sweetly at the gathering, caught waving for the camera from her perch on the roof of a building. There was another girl with her, a brunette who was barely in the shot.  
  
"The brunette with her is Kaeko; she is not one of our objectives. Her boyfriend Yusuke, however, is."  
  
Another picture took the place of the first. This one was of a tough- looking teenage boy with slicked black hair dressed in a green jumpsuit. One hand was in his pocket, the other pointed at the camera like a gun of some kind. He had that annoying smirk most small-time punks had, but his made him look playful and even innocent.  
  
"Yusuke is your run-of-the-mill teenager, except for the fact that he died." Satanira paused for a moment before elaborating. "He was not supposed to die when he did, so the king of the Spirit World set him one of those challenge things in order to get his body back. If OZ snags who I think they're after, Yusuke will be integral to success on our part."  
  
With a click, Yusuke was replaced by a split screen of two men. One was normal enough, save for his long red hair. The other was anything but.  
  
His hair was much longer and white, and was complimented by equally white fox ears and a bushy tail.  
  
"You might be surprised to discover that these two men are one and the same. Kurama, a fox demon thief, who specializes in solving ancient locks and puzzles. Much like Lady Une, he has a very spilt personality; his physical characteristics change drastically as well as his mind. As a redhead, he's very even-tempered, calm, and friendly. But when he goes Yoko on you, it's best to back slowly out of the room, lock the door behind you, and run as fast and as far in the opposite direction as walls permit, screaming like a little girl . Yoko Kurama is a very cruel demon on his bad days."  
  
Ignoring raised eyebrows around her circle of friends, Satanira brought up the last picture, schooling her face into the same featureless mask she'd worn for all the other images. Even so, tears stung her eyes at the sight of the man now filling the screen before her.  
  
"Hiei." She said, her voice surprisingly even, considering her inner turmoil at the moment. "Another demon, considered ruthless enough to give Yoko Kurama a run for his money."  
  
His picture certainly didn't support that particular claim. For the moment, the short man with gravity-defying black hair was completely relaxed, leaning against the back of someone whose face was not visible. He was smiling, and although the smile was self-assured and slightly arrogant, it was not cruel like Yoko Kurama's had been.  
  
"Hiei does his own thing, and doesn't really give a damn about anyone but himself, Kurama, and his sister Yukina. Convincing him to help us will mean convincing him it's worth his while."  
  
The screen flashed black for a moment before Botan, Yusuke, Kurama, and Hiei appeared again, this time sitting under a tree on a picnic blanket.  
  
"Finding and recruiting these four people is our mission. Any questions?"  
  
"Yeah." Dorothy said, raising her hand and waving it back and forth. "Why do all of these pictures look like they belong in a scrap book? And is that Kurama dude single?"  
  
Satanira chose not to answer either question. Instead, she raised one eyebrow at Dorothy, giving the younger blond her 'either you're an idiot, or you think I am, and we all know the latter ain't true' look.  
  
"Never mind." Dorothy sighed, leaning back in her seat.  
  
A Random Street in Tokyo   
  
Satanira inhaled deeply, closing her eyes. She could faintly smell her target, a small bakeshop that was unmatched in the taste department. If nothing else, they had to stop for some cookies.  
  
"Satanira, what the hell are you doing?" Heero asked, glaring at the blond clamped on to his arm.  
  
"Sniffing out the best cookies in town." She replied absently, veering to the left. "My nose says this way."  
  
"My eyes and mind say you're insane." Heero muttered, following to avoid having to do everything left-handed for the rest of his life.  
  
"I heard that, Spandex Boy." Satanira warned, despite the fact that Heero was wearing jeans.  
  
"Look, woman-" Heero started, only to be interrupted as he and his blond companion collided with two other someones.  
  
Satanira gave a small yelp of pain as she landed on the wet pavement, bringing Heero down on top of her.  
  
"Get off, Spandex Boy!" She exclaimed, pushing the brunette teen off her legs. "You're heavy as hell!"  
  
"She hasn't changed a bit." One of the people they'd collided with said, chuckling, as he helped Heero to his feet.  
  
"Yusuke!" Satanira exclaimed, scrambling to her own feet and throwing her arms around the raven-haired punk. "It's been ages since I last saw you! Died recently?"  
  
"Very funny." Yusuke said sarcastically, patting Satanira on the head. "And no, not since that last time. You?"  
  
"Nope!" Satanira replied happily, switching her hug to the brunette girl's shoulders. "And you, Keiko? And near-death experiences for you?"  
  
"Not really." Keiko laughed, returning the hug. "Who's he?" She added, pointing at Heero, who had been watching the hug fest curiously.  
  
"Oh, he's Heero." Satanira said. "He and a bunch of his friends are with me, cause we're on a mission. Which reminds me, do you know where Botan is? I kinda need to talk to Koenma before I can do anything, him being a major authority-dude around here."  
  
"Botan's... at Genkai's temple, I think." Yusuke said after a moment.  
  
"You can think?" Satanira and Keiko demanded in unison, with matching theatrical gasps and exaggerated expressions of disbelief.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, real funny." Yusuke muttered crossly, glaring at both women. "So, we going or what?"  
  
"In a sec." Satanira managed around a sudden fit of giggles. "Hee- chan, call the others."  
  
"How many times do I have to tell you, woman?" Heero demanded in a low growl, pulling out the handheld radio Satanira had provided for each pair. "Don't call me Hee-chan!"  
  
"Tell 'em we found Yusuke, and we're headed for the rest, so they can go back to the ship for now, kay?" Satanira requested sweetly, nearly immune to the patented Heero Yuy Glare of Death[TM].  
  
The Spirit World   
  
"Yo, Toddler!" Satanira exclaimed, bouncing happily into Lord Koenma's office with Botan, Yusuke, and a very disgruntled Heero trailing in behind her.  
  
"That's 'Lord Toddler' to you." The tiny boy behind the giant desk said calmly without even glancing up from his paperwork. "What brings you here?"  
  
"I need to borrow a few heroes." Satanira said, sitting daintily on the edge of Koenma's desk. "And seeing as to how you're the head honcho around here, I figured I'd best check with you before I kidnapped everyone's favorite pink-clad grim reaper."  
  
"What's wrong with pink?" Botan asked, puzzled.  
  
"Absolutely nothing." Satanira said distractedly, already hammering out a contract of some kind. "Now remember, Lord Toddler, this is for Botan, Yusuke, Kurama, and Hiei. I need all four of 'em. Don't go shortchanging me."  
  
"Would I do something like that?" Koenma asked, feigning hurt.  
  
"Yes." Satanira said.  
  
"You're evil. You know that, right?"  
  
"Of course I do. If I weren't evil, I'd never have any fun. Where should I sign?"  
  
Battleship Arcadia, That Afternoon   
  
"Wow!" Botan exclaimed, staring up at the giant bulk of the battleship Arcadia. "This one's way bigger than the one you had last time! You could fit a million people in here!"  
  
"Not quite." Satanira said. "At least not comfortably. Come on. You need to meet the other people who people this hulk of a spaceship."  
  
"Nira-chan!!!" A tiny figure yelled from the top hatch, waving wildly.  
  
"Fuck." Satanira cursed, her eyebrow twitching violently. "It's the Pacifist Bitch Queen. I was hoping to avoid her today."  
  
"Pacifist Bitch Queen?" Yusuke repeated, raising one eyebrow. "It sounds like you don't like her much. She annoying?"  
  
"Annoying, vain, brain-dead, ugly, obsessed with my best friend, thinks she's all that, and has a country in her idiotic clutches. She also thinks everyone loves her."  
  
"Yikes." Botan said. "Can I have the room as far away from her as physically possible, please?"  
  
"Sorry, but that's my room." Satanira said, grinning. "Let's go get you settled, then we can go look for a couple certain superhero hotties, kay?"  
  
"O... kay..." Botan said, blinking as she followed her old friend up the ramp to the main hatch.  
  
"YO, PEOPLE!!!" Satanira yelled, not bothering with the P.A. system. "NEW CREW MEMBERS!!! GET YOUR SKINNY ASSES TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM FOR AN INTRO SESSION!!!"  
  
"Ow." Botan said quietly, rubbing her ears.  
  
Ten minutes later saw the ship's population sitting around the large conference room, being introduced to Botan and Yusuke.  
  
"Okay, people, let's make this quick!" Satanira ordered, her hands on her hips. "We've got two new peoples, and two more we gotta find! The dude in green is Yusuke. If he seems slow, that's because he is, so don't give him any grief about it!"  
  
"Hey!" Yusuke exclaimed. "I am not slow!"  
  
"Yes, you are. Now shut up. The chick in pink is Botan. Say hi, you two."  
  
"Yo." Yusuke said, holding a hand up in greeting.  
  
"Good afternoon." Botan said politely, bowing to the group.  
  
"Now for the rest of the idiots." Satanira muttered. "Spandex boy is Heero. Priest dude is Wolfwood. Chopsticks is Wufei. Blonde's Quatre, Unibang's Trowa, Eyebrows is Dorothy, Psycho Brunette Bitch from Hell is Relena, Braid boy is Duo, this brunette's Catherine, that brunette's Sally Po, and the blond stuffing donuts in his pie hole is Vash. Got it? Good. Now we've gotta find Kurama. He's a hell of a lot easier to find than the other one."  
  
"You mean Hiei?" Yusuke asked, earning a hard pinch on his arm from Botan.  
  
"Yes, Hiei." Satanira said. "Let's go look for them."  
  
End Chapter One   
  
Yay! Done with two! Maybe I'll get some reviews! Hey, that rhymed! Kinda.... depressed 


	3. No Title

Yay! Someone reviewed!  
  
Dear Hyper Pegesus and Cursed You guys are right. I should have warned it was in later chapters. I'll change that right away. To all of you just joining us, the yaoi and yuri is not in the first two chapters! I'm not sure if it's in chapter three yet, because I haven't written it yet!  
  
So much for being organized, ne?  
  
Another Random Street   
  
"Shut up."  
"Make me."  
"You sure you want me to?"  
"Give it your best shot, Nira-chan!"  
"Dammit, Yusuke! How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that!" Satanira shouted, kicking Yusuke in the shin. "You have absolutely no right to use pet names with me!"  
"Both of you, shut up before we send you back to the ship with the others." Heero snapped. "Botan can help me find Kurama. We don't need you babies along for the ride."  
"You're an idiot, Heero Yuy." Satanira grumped. "I can order you back if I want to. The reverse does not apply."  
"The hell it doesn't." Heero muttered, although he did shut up.  
"Better." Satanira said, smiling smugly just before a load of sheets landed on her head.  
"Sorry down there!" A voice called from a third story balcony. The apology was almost lost in the sound of heavy cursing that would put a sailor to shame.  
"Stupid fucking idiot!" Satanira screamed, finally finding her way out of the pile of cloth. "Whoever you are, you're fucking dead, you hear me? Dead!"  
"Am I, really?" The voice asked as its owner jumped nimbly to the sidewalk. "And all this time, I thought for sure I was alive. Go figure."  
"KURAMA!!!" Satanira shrieked happily, launching herself at the redheaded fox demon, trailing sheets and not giving a damn. "Kurama-chan, I missed you so much!" The blonde squealed. "It's been so long since I last saw you guys! This is so great!"  
"Hello, Satanira." Kurama said calmly, as if used to the hyperactive genius. "How have you been?"  
"Great!" Satanira exclaimed, jumping off Kurama and piling the sheets in his arms. "It's been really fun back home, and I've made tons of new friends, and Heero over here's secretly in love with me, but refuses to admit it for fear of rejection, and dammit Yuy, you hit me with that laptop one more time, and it's going to the bottom of the Pacific! But that's all beside the point! Let's go up to your place, because I need to talk to you three!"  
  
Back at the Arcadia   
  
"I'm so booooorrred!" Dorothy complained, throwing herself back on the couch and stealing one of Vash's donuts in the process. "Look at me!" She yelled, taking a massive bite out of the snack. "I've been reduced to eating junk food! Someone entertain me!"  
"Someone shut her up!" Wolfwood yelled in response. "Before I seriously hurt her!"  
Dorothy's hand strayed threateningly to her hat and would have removed it if Sally Po hadn't picked her up and carried her out of the lounge toward the crew's cabins.  
  
Back at Kurama's Place   
  
"I hate showing up out of nowhere and jumping this on you, but I really, really need your help." Satanira apologized, smiling sheepishly.  
"No."  
Satanira stiffened at the sound of an all too familiar voice behind her. He sounded so cold...  
"Why not?" She asked as calmly as she could, not turning around. She didn't have to, after all, to remember every single detail she'd ever known about him.  
"Because." Hiei snapped, and the door slammed shut.  
"Dammit!" Satanira hissed, turning and running after him. Quatre tried to follow, but Kurama's outstretched hand stopped him.  
"They need this." Was all the redheaded fox demon offered in explanation.  
  
Outside   
  
"Hiei, wait!" Satanira yelled, indiscriminately shoving people and things out of her way, her eyes locked on the small demon's back. "Dammit, Hiei, I said wait!"  
Hiei stopped, and for a moment, she though maybe she'd finally gotten through to him. But when he turned around, his eyes were just as hard and cold as his voice had been.  
"Why the hell should I?" He demanded.  
"Because, dammit!" She yelled in response, stopping a few feet away from him. "I don't know what the hell your problem is, but-"  
"My problem?" Hiei repeated, staring incredulously up at her. "-My- problem? You're the one who ran away a year and a half ago, no explanations, no good-byes, no nothing! And now you have the gall to come waltzing back, asking for favors? And you wanna know what my problem is?!"  
"This isn't about us!" Satanira countered angrily. "This isn't about you, this isn't about me, and it sure as hell isn't about our past! This just happens to be about the millions of innocent people who're gonna fucking die if we don't help them! It's about my home being destroyed! We're talking mass murder! Total annihilation! Utter chaos! And you know it won't stop with just my world!"  
"And why would I give a damn?" Hiei yelled back, loosing his cool. "Give me one good reason why I should help you after what you did to me!"  
"What... I did to... you?" Satanira repeated. "Oh, so you think it was easy, coming back here and seeing you after all this time? You think this is fucking easy? Well, it's not, dammit!" Angry tears joined the rain streaming down her face as she glared down at Hiei. "This happens to be the second hardest thing I've ever made myself do!"  
"Why?" He asked suddenly, turning his gaze to the slick sidewalk between them.  
"What?"  
"Why did you run away why I asked you to marry me?"  
"Because I was terrified. I was lost, terrified, and fourteen." Satanira said quietly, all of her anger evaporating in an instant. "I was scared and confused. I didn't know what else to do. I'm sorry I never told you, but I was afraid you'd leave if I did."  
"Like I'm that shallow." Hiei snorted, returning his unsettling gaze to her face. "Love is love, Satanira. I wouldn't have given a damn."  
"Like hell you wouldn't have." Satanira retorted with a humorless smile. "I know you, Hiei. If I had told you, you'd've gotten that scared, confused look on your face and run away, just like I did. I figured one of us would have to betray the other, and it might as well have been me. After all, I'm used to betraying those I love."  
"You think you're the only one?"  
"Not in the least." Satanira sighed heavily. "Please, let's just go back. Let's talk about this as if we don't even know each other, and work out some kind of deal. We need your help, Hiei, and I'm going to get it. Just watch me."  
  
That Night, Battleship Arcadia   
  
"I'm a genius." Satanira said wonderingly as she stared at the four signatures on the contract. "I'm a genius. I work miracles with no idea of how I pulled them off."  
"Sure you are." Heero said sarcastically. "Now shut up and get in the ship before we leave without you."  
"As if." The blond snorted, running after Heero and smacking him playfully on one shoulder. "I'm the only one who knows how to work this rusty bucket of broken bolts. Right Arcadia?" She patted the ship affectionately, smiling absently, before actually going inside and pulling in the ramp for the night.  
"Hey Nira-chan," Catherine called from down the hall, "can you come here a sec?"  
Satanira obediently trotted to the main lounge, where Catherine stood, perplexed, wearing one apron and holding another in her hand. "What can I do ya for?" She asked cheerfully.  
"Three bananas and a carton of orange juice." Catherine replied calmly. "Have you seen Sally Po? She's supposed to be helping with dinner tonight."  
"Have you checked her room?" Satanira asked, then took off without waiting for a reply. "Let me check the room readings!" She skipped over to one of the odd nooks ringing the room. A few pressed buttons later, all of her hyperness disappeared, and she turned back to Catherine, her face beet read. "You might wanna just go ahead and use the CHEF system tonight, Cathy." She said quietly. "Sally Po is... indisposed at the moment."[1]  
"Well, where is she?" Catherine asked, crossing her arms impatiently.  
"Dorothy's room. But I really don't think-" Ignoring Satanira, Catherine turned and stomped down the hall to Dorothy's door and began banging on it.  
The door whooshed open, and Satanira thought she heard someone asking something under the sound of Catherine's scream.  
"Told 'er." Satanira said matter-of-factly, closing the door remotely so no one else would loose it like a certain knife-happy circus woman just had. "Arcadia?"  
"Yes?" The smooth, programmed voice of the ship's mainframe computer asked politely.  
"Please send a message to Miss Dorothy's room requesting that she lock her door at times like these, then see about putting Miss Catherine, who is currently collapsed in front of Miss Dorothy's room, to bed."  
"Will do, Ma'am." The computer said. "Thank you, lovely." She replied gratefully, wandering off towards the galley. "Guess I'd better see about dinner, then."  
  
The Next Morning   
  
Dorothy stretched lazily, smiling for all the world like a cat who'd filched a whole pitcher of cream. Last night had not been boring in the least. She opened her eyes and blinked for a moment until the wall over Sally Po's shoulder came into focus. She stretched one arm towards the pretty blinking green light, but couldn't reach it. In trying, she over balanced and fell off the bed, bringing her newfound lover with her. "Oof!" Dorothy exclaimed. "Ye-ouch!" Sally Po replied, rubbing the part of her skull that had been quite violently introduced to the floor. "Wha's wrong? We unner attack?"[2] "Not quite..." Dorothy grumbled, finding that halfway between the bed and the wall was a perfect place to touch the shiny blinking light. When she did, it moved slightly, and an unnoticed screen became noticed as a face appeared on it. "Good morning, Miss Dorothy, Miss Sally Po." The face said cheerfully. "I am the mainframe computer Audio/Visual Simulation program installed by my master, Miss  
  
Satanira. Miss Satanira wishes me to inform you that if you wish to engage in any such activities as you enjoyed last night, you must first check to ensure that you door is locked and can only be opened from the inside." The face, which looked an awful lot like Washuu from Tenchi, smiled cutely and paused for a moment before adding, "And breakfast today is a serve- yourself affair. If you wish more to eat this morning than stale bread and warm water, I would advise hurrying. Have a good day, dears!" The screen went blank, and the pretty green light disappeared. "Correct me if I'm wrong," Sally Po said after a long silent moment, "but did that computer program just call us dears?" "And wished us a good day." Dorothy added. "What a polite ship."  
  
Later That Day   
  
"Everybody ready?" Aiva, the Audio/Visual Simulation program, asked brightly.  
  
"Just lift off, dammit!" Satanira yelled from her cabin before returning to her chess game against Heero. "We're ready, already!"  
"Preparing for liftoff!" Aiva exclaimed. "Translation point AF- 5927HO3 is an approximate twelve lightyears from our current position. ETA is set at four hours, 28.3 minutes from clearance of planetary gravity field. Engines engaged. Liftoff confirmed." A few seconds later, "planetary gravity field cleared. Begin countdown to ETA at safety barrier at thirty seconds."  
  
Trowa's Cabin   
  
"I'm scarred, Trowa. Scarred." Catherine whispered faintly, staring at the ceiling of Trowa's cabin from her prone position on the floor. "I may never recover."  
"Don't talk like that." Hiei snapped, annoyed. "In fact, don't talk at all. You're throwing my game off."  
"The hell I am." Cathy snorted, sitting up. "Exactly how much do you have to concentrate on Scrabble?"[3]  
"A lot, woman." Wufei growled, placing a few tiles on the board. "And you're making it possible for this runt to beat me, so can it."  
"Trowa, aren't you gonna stand up for me?" Catherine huffed indignantly.  
Trowa turned to contemplate the brunette knife woman. After a few moments, he pushed his chair back and got to his feet. He stood for perhaps five seconds before sitting again and returning to his game.  
"There." He said, turning Hiei's 'ying' into 'annoying.' "I stood up for you. Now go back to your own cabin."[4]  
"Real funny, Trowa Barton!" She exclaimed angrily, scrambling to her feet and storming out.  
  
End Chapter Three   
  
[1] Just for you, Hyper Pegesus. Just for you. Just to frustrate you, actually. I'm saving the yaoi for next chapter. Heeheehee... Bwahahahaha- (chokes) Itai.....  
  
[2] Too much sci-fi lately. The whole Audio/Visual Simulation program is scary. (shudders)  
  
[3] Hiei playing Scrabble. Now that's a funny image.  
  
[4] My sister's line. Like I could ever be that funny. 


	4. Enter InuYasha and Co

ZmajGoddess- Yay! Now I know where to send them next! You're awesome! Eek.... Miroku's gonna ask Sally Po in front of Dorothy... I can't wait for her reaction...  
  
By the way! Something I feel I need to clear up: Trowa is trilingual. He speaks Standard (that stupid language everyone knows), Hnese (monosyllables, long silences, and facial expressions), and Silence (silence). Most everybody speaks Standard and Silence, but only Satanira, Hiei, Heero, and Kurama speak Hnese. Beware scary dinner conversations!  
  
Nyu?  
  
--Main Lounge--  
  
Satanira stood in the doorway to the lounge, taking in the sheer number of unconscious bodies sprawled all over it. Several were snoring, and a few were in very...indecent positions. Like the shirtless Catherine. Or Yusuke with his face in Relena's chest. Boy, was he in for it if she woke up.  
  
"Why can't anyone hold their sake anymore?" She demanded with an exasperated sigh. "It's just plain ridiculous!"  
  
"Too true." Hiei agreed.  
  
"And how is it you've been sitting there all night reviewing data on likely enemies while a party's been going on around you?" She added. "You've always been like this. Just can't get work off your mind even for a party, can you?"  
  
"Shut up." He retorted without taking his eyes off the rapidly shifting spreadsheet in front of him. "You're breaking my concentration."  
  
"Why, you... This is my ship, you little worm! How dare you try and tell me what to do? Aiva, shut down Hiei's terminal!"  
  
"Will do." Aiva said cheerfully as Hiei's screen went black. "Don't worry, Mr. Hiei. I've saved your spot. When Mistress Satanira gives the word, you'll be able to pick up right where you left off."  
  
"Thanks, A-chan." Satanira said as she stomped toward her room. "And don't let him access any other terminal, either!" She added.  
  
--The Next Day--  
  
Heero idly flipped the pages of his book, not actually reading more than a line or two at a time. He was bored. He wasn't sure how that had happened, just that it had. He didn't want to read, there was nothing in the library that he'd want to watch, he'd already done his daily exercises, and there was no one to talk to.  
  
He tossed the book on his nightstand with a sigh and stood up. Maybe Aiva could entertain him.  
  
"Aiva, boot up my personal terminal, please." He requested, sitting in front of the screen. "Access data files on...any noted lifeform on the planet we are currently orbiting."  
  
"Yessir, Master Heero, sir!" Heero's customized Aiva –Aiva5- said lightly, calling up a file complete with several aerial shots of the lifeform in question, which turned out to be a young man with long white hair and dog ears. "Other sentient lifeforms refer to this one as InuYasha. Subject is deemed not human. Possibly a human hybrid of some kind. Direct contact will be needed before more detailed conclusions may be drawn."  
  
"Thank you, Aiva." Heero said, wondering why he felt the need to show gratitude to a computer program.  
  
--At the Same Time--  
  
Yusuke wandered the corridors of Arcadia, listening to one of Satanira's CDs. Music always eased his boredom. His only regret so far was that he'd forgotten to bring his guitar, and all of Nira's were acoustic.  
  
In the break between songs, giggling caught his attention. An absent press of the pause button later, he was eavesdropping at that short blond dude's door.  
  
"You're beautiful, 'Lena." That was the short blond dude, but Yusuke didn't remember any of the girls being named Lena.  
  
"Flatterer." Ack! That sounded almost exactly like the Psycho Brunette Bitch from Hell! Wait a minute... Lena... Lena. Relena. Lena Re = Relena. Relena = PBBH. Scary thought.  
  
"I thought that blond had problems." Yusuke said to himself, shaking his head. "I half expected him to bat for the other team, dressing the way he does."  
  
"I assume you're discussing Quatre with yourself?" Trowa asked from his doorway.  
  
"Yup." Yusuke agreed. "I think he's at least bi, but I think his sisters just dress him funny."  
  
"We never did figure out why he dresses like he does, but it isn't because of his sisters. Would you like to come in?"  
  
"Sure." Yusuke said, stepping into the small room and looking around. Thanks to Satanira's eye for individuality, none of the rooms, despite their identical design, were the same.  
  
Trowa's, for example, was walled in forest green, with a black wood floor and ceiling. All of the furniture was forest green, black, or varnished metal. Posters of large cats and wolves were hung on the walls. Where Yusuke had a killer sound system, there was a bookcase full of actual books, visual tapes, and small statues. Despite the chosen colors, the room didn't feel dark or depressing. Instead, it had a very homey feel, like an old cabin in a snowy forest.  
  
"Nice pad, man." He said, plopping down in one of two lightly padded metal chairs. "Suits you. Now me, I did mine in red."  
  
"Red is a very angry color at times." Trowa said, taking the other chair. "A-kun, please close the door and restart the CD. You don't mind country music, do you?"  
  
"This right here's Garth." Yusuke said, shaking his CD player slightly with a slight grin. "What can I say? Nira got me hooked."  
  
"Any song you wish to start with, Master Trowa?" A-kun asked, her customized face smiling at them from her appointed screen. "Hello, Mister Yusuke. Via tells me you left your room a mess again."  
  
"It's like I've gotten another mother." Yusuke muttered, sighing. "I know, A-kun. I'll clean it up later. Via-chan never puts things where I can find them."  
  
"She probably does it on purpose." Trowa remarked. "Number four, if you don't mind, A-kun." He added. "And Satanira-kun has a way of getting you to like what she wants you to like. It's uncanny, not to mention eerie."  
  
"True."  
  
--Two Days Later--  
  
"Two friggin days, and the best place to land is still a fucking lake." Satanira complained, vigorously toweling her hair out. "And the stupid thing isn't even deep enough to sink this hunk of junk. No hollowed out mountains sucks."  
  
"I don't see what's so bad about swimming every day." Botan said. "It's really a nice refreshing exercise, in my opinion."  
  
"Hush." Satanira ordered crossly, looking for a good-sized bush to hide her swimsuit in until they returned. "I like swimming just as much as the next girl, but I'm sick and tired of looking for those idiots, OZ lifted off with Nuraku yesterday, and we only have two more days before we loose their fucking trail! I've got nothing else to complain about, so I'm damn well going to complain about this!"  
  
"Has anyone ever told you you're scary when you're mad?" Sally Po asked archly. "Calm down and let's go look so we can get back in time for dinner."  
  
"Are you guys dressed yet?" Duo called from the other side of a large pile of rock. "If not, I could always screw Kurama again! Ow! That hurt!"  
  
"Please do not include me in your vulgar jokes." Kurama said calmly, although Satanira was sure he was pink at the very least.  
  
"Then just say so!" Duo yelled. "Don't bean a poor guy with rocks!"  
  
"Kurama, don't throw rocks at the Braided Baka." Satanira sighed. "And yes, Duo, we're dressed. Let's get a move on before I start breaking stuff."  
  
"Hey, look!" Botan suddenly exclaimed. "I just found the coolest crystal on the ground!" The blue-haired Grim Reaper held up...(insert cheesy suspense music) ... a small shard of the Shikon jewel.  
  
"Very cool!" Satanira exclaimed, snatching the shard. "They're looking for these shards, and that one chick can sense them!"  
  
"How do you think she knew I could sense them?" A voice from the trees behind them asked.  
  
"Babe alert!" Duo yelled, jumping onto a branch that already held to very pretty raven-haired girls. "Total babe alert! Hi! My name's Duo! Duo Maxwell! I may run and hide, but I never tell a lie! Will you go out with me?"  
  
"Which one of us?" The smaller of the two, the one in the schoolgirl uniform, asked.  
  
"Both of you!" Duo exclaimed happily just as a certain half demon we all know and love (or lust after, depending on who you are) knocked him off his perch.  
  
Kurama caught Duo moments before the ground inflicted the pilot with multiple really big booboos and set him down before jumping into the tree and knocking InuYasha out of it.  
  
"Don't knock weaklings out of trees." The fox demon instructed quietly. "It's not nice."  
  
"Why, you-"  
  
"Will you bear my child?"  
  
"Hell no, pervert!" Botan exclaimed, sending said pervert into a large rock with her oar. "Stay away from me, you creep!"  
  
"She's got you beat, Sango." Shippo said from the top of the demon slayer's head. "You've never sent him flying before."  
  
"EVERYBODY SHUT UP!!!" Satanira yelled. "You five are coming with us! Sally Po, Botan, let's get changed again. You two, come with. You should fit our extras."  
  
--Arcadia's Training Facility--  
  
"Wow!" Kagome said for about the tenth time that minute, watching in amazement as Trowa's knife stopped a hairsbreadth from Yusuke's throat. "This is so amazing! I bet he could even beat InuYasha!"  
  
"Yeah, right." InuYasha muttered. "I'd probably kill him on accident."  
  
"I wouldn't let you." Trowa said, helping Yusuke to his feet. "I was a trained killer by the age of ten. I would not be an easy opponent with any weapon."  
  
"How about no weapons?" InuYasha asked pointedly.  
  
"Unarmed, I am all the more dangerous. And you are never unarmed, with you claws attached as they are to your fingers."  
  
"Not to mention, you have the use of magic at your disposal." Heero added. "And from what I've seen, whenever there is a chance brute strength will not be enough, you will use said magic, to a lethal effect."  
  
"What is it with you humans?" InuYasha asked, exasperated. "Always making demons out to be the bad guys!"  
  
"Sit, boy!" Kagome commanded, and InuYasha quite unwillingly and painfully met the floor.  
  
--End Chapter Four--  
  
Yay! Short ass chapter, and the easiest winover yet! I think we're loosing sight of the mission, though...  
  
Oh, well. Meow! 


	5. Remembering

-I suppose it had to happen eventually.- Satanira thought, sighing dejectedly. -I really have no choice. I have to. I don't have to like it, But I have to do it.-  
"We gonna be here all night, or you gonna kiss the dude already?" Duo asked, his voice only slightly slurred. "Cause if you don't kiss him in thirty seconds, we get to watch you two make out."  
"I'm going already!" Satanira said irritably, crawling across the circle. "Just so you know," She told Hiei sourly, "I do not want to do this."  
"On the lips, you two!" Dorothy reminded them from Sally Po's lap. "And for at least five seconds."  
"Do you idiots mind?" Satanira snarled. "This is hard enough as it is!" She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and attacked the short demon, knocking him to the floor and kissing him before he could react.  
Exactly five seconds later, she was scampering back to her spot, blushing furiously.  
"My turn!" Miroku announced cheerfully, thoroughly enjoying playing Spin-the-Bottle with so many pretty girls.  
Most of the circle held its collective breath while the bottle spun slowly to a stop, pointing at Botan. Under cover of the ensuing catcalls, Satanira slipped out of the main lounge and went to her room, plopping down on her bed.  
"I wanna go home." She pouted, lying down and staring at the ceiling. "Aiva, Reload, please, number nine[1] on repeat." She requested. "Volume low. I'm going to sleep, if anyone needs me."  
  
-- The Next Morning --  
  
Satanira woke up feeling groggy and dizzy, with a pounding headache.  
"I.... Need... coffee..." She groaned, adding a sore throat and backache to her mental list of complaints as she sat up. The only thing that kept her from collapsing where she sat was the thought of strong, hot, black coffee with tons of sugar and how much she needed that jumpstart. So she gritted her teeth and went out into the corridor, her thoughts focused on the mess hall.  
Then a wave of overwhelming dizziness hit and everything went black for a second.  
"Miss Satanira?" She faintly heard Aiva ask. "Miss Satanira, your body temperature is reading abnormally high. Are you feeling well?"  
"Tell Sick Bay I'm coming." Satanira muttered, stumbling heavily and almost loosing her balance.  
"Try not to talk, ma'am. I've alerted Sick Bay, and I'm getting you an escort."  
"'M fine..." She insisted leaning against the wall. "Juss.... needta... cash... catch... my..."  
"Nonsense." Aiva said as a door nearby whooshed open, blasting Satanira with a wave of blessedly cold air.  
"You okay, Nira-chan?" Yusuke asked.  
"No..." She replied uncertainly, trying to walk again and falling into the once-dead punk's arms. "Sick Bay?" She asked plaintively, doing her best to make puppy dog eyes.  
"Sure." He said, picking her up carefully.  
That was the last thing she remembered before she blacked out.  
  
"She's really burning up." Sally Po said, shaking her head. "With an internal temperature as high as hers is, any normal human would be dead."  
"So is she going to get better eventually?" Heero asked. "Because we'll be stuck here for the rest of our lives without her."  
"That's his way of saying he cares." Duo assured Kagome, seeing the dismayed expression on the reincarnated miko's face. "He likes and respects Satanira and is just as worried as the rest of us. He just can't show it like we do."  
"Are you sure?" Sango asked. "Because being a coldhearted bastard is a strange way of showing you care."  
"Satanira trusts him." Botan said. "And considering what they've told me of their world, if someone as suspicious as Nira-chan trusts you, you're not a bad person."  
"So is she going to be okay?" Yusuke asked.  
"Given a week or two of rest and quiet, she'll be her old self again." Sally Po assured the little group. "Which means I want no more than two healthy people visiting my Sick Bay at one time. Everybody out!" She ordered, shooing them into the corridor.  
"She's scary sometimes." Kagome said, picking up and petting one of the numerous small, furry creatures that wandered the ship. "Are you sure it's safe to leave her in there with Satanira?"  
"Sally Po's a doctor." Duo said. "She took an oath to preserve life at all costs. And besides, she was Nira-chan's first friend in our world. She wouldn't do something as tacky and tasteless as killing a good friend."  
"That's nice to know." Sango said as a shriek and the sound of flesh hitting flesh echoed down from the lounge. "At least if I seriously injure that pervert, there's someone to patch him up so I can do it again!"  
  
Satanira tossed fitfully in her sleep, locked in a fever-induced repetition of the fateful week she'd spent with Washuu and the others after leaving Hiei.  
First, she was lying on the couch in Washuu's lab while her mentor checked her over. Washuu had a worried look on her deceptively young face. She informed her blonde pupil that the fourteen-year-old had miscarried.  
Then she was sitting on the pier after a good long cry a few days later, sharing Ryoko's sake supply, telling the blue-haired alien everything that had happened during her trip. Ryoko was sympathetic, saying she understood, and that Satanira would let go when the time came. Then the two sat there for a few more hours, getting drunk and thinking of Tenchi and Ayeka back on Jurai.  
Then Ryoko and the pier were gone, and she was running through the woods the next night, two strange men not far behind her. They were slavers who'd shot Mihoshi and Kyone down and attacked the house. She ran in a loop, headed for the back entrance to Washuu's lab. She dove through and ran for her space, where she built weapons of all sorts. She grabbed her latest arc pistol and got both men, sawing them in half with the incandescent beam. She grabbed all the guns she could carry and ran, looking for the others.  
The next jump took her forward in her memories only a few hours, when the last of the slavers had been killed. Two delicate bodies were in front of her; Kyone and Sasami. Mihoshi knelt next to her partner, shaking her, demanding that Kyone get up this instant, while Ryo-oki simply howled. They hadn't made it in time to save the two, and Satanira blamed herself for not keeping her inventions where the others could get to them.  
Finally, she stood in front of the dimension-hopper, fully suited, all of her gear packed. She was leaving again, and she would never come back. No one said as much, but they all knew it. She tearfully bid farewell to her teacher, her surrogate sisters, and the family 'pet.' Then, just before she left behind her homeworld forever, she said good-bye to the two graves in what had been her garden. Kyone and Sasami, who would never say good-bye to her again. She stepped through, and fell.  
Then the whole cycle started over again.  
  
Her dreams must be horrible. Sally Po thought, watching as, once again, the sleeping blond next to her began to cry. Every now and then, Satanira would whimper helplessly, or cry out softly for someone.  
And she wasn't improving.  
There has to be some way to reduce her fever! The brunette doctor exclaimed mentally. Much longer at such a high temperature, and even Satanira wouldn't survive.  
The door to Sick Bay whooshed open, revealing the short, spiky-haired man named Hiei. Without so much as a by-your-leave, he marched inside and plopped down next to Satanira's bed.  
"What are you doing in here?" Sally Po demanded, crossing her arms and glaring down at him.  
"If you tell her I came here when she wakes up, I will kill you." He said instead of answering, and gently wrapping his hand around Satanira's.  
"Whatever." Sally muttered, turning back to her computer screen.  
  
Heero took the blow from Tetseiga effortlessly, letting InuYasha spend the blade's momentum on the length of Heero's own sword. The brunette ducked under the half-demon's arm and made a 'killing' thrust in the air next to his left side.  
"I win." Heero said quietly, slipping out of the way of InuYasha's huge weapon to the sound of polite applause from the small audience gathered around the practice ring.  
"This time." InuYasha said shortly, sheathing Tetseiga with a muttered curse. "But don't expect to be so lucky next time."  
"Yuy." The only onlooker who hadn't celebrated Heero's victory, a hitherto unnoticed Hiei, snapped, calling everyone's attention to himself. "Po wants you. Only you." The demon added, glaring sharply at the others.  
Heero nodded and racked his broadsword on his way towards Sick Bay. The door clicked closed behind him, and those left stared after him for a moment before turning back to Hiei.  
"You know," Dorothy said suddenly, "I don't think I've ever seen you fight."  
"Nor do you wish to." Hiei said flatly. "Because I only fight to kill."  
"You're mighty cocky for such a short demon." InuYasha commented. "You got the walk to back the talk, small fry?"  
"InuYasha, you're treading on dangerous ground here." Kagome warned quietly, sensing wave upon wave of black anger from Hiei. "He can definitely back his claims, and you're an idiot if you think you can take him."  
"Are you calling me an idiot, woman?"  
"Sit, boy!"  
  
Heero stepped softly into Sick Bay, his eyes going to the only occupied bed in the room.  
"Hey, Heero." Sally Po said, not looking up from the flickering screen inches from her nose. "Sit down next to her and hold her hand. I'll be with you in a minute."  
Raising one eyebrow inquisitively, the brunette did as he was told, wondering why he was supposed to hold Satanira's hand. But the way Sally looked, it might be she was on to something.  
After the promised minute, Sally stood up, stretched, and turned to Heero.  
"Her temperature has dropped." She said. "By only 1.5 degrees, but she's no longer in any serious danger."  
"And that has what to do with me sitting here holding her hand?" Heero asked pointedly.  
"Call it an experiment." She said. "That Hiei dude came in here, sat down where you're sitting, and held her hand like that, and her temperature started dropping. I want to see if it's a fluke, or if tactile contact with someone close to her might have something to do with it."  
"You're insane, Sally." Heero muttered, but agreed to try it for her, since she wouldn't let him leave until he did.  
  
One by one, everyone on the ship stopped by to see how Satanira was doing, although InuYasha had no choice in whether or not he would. And they were all relieved to hear that her initial temp of 103.2 had dropped nearly four full degrees to 99.5, although she still hadn't woken up.  
"I don't know how she manages to stay alive." Duo said, shaking his head. "She never takes care of herself before she helps others. I'm tellin ya, I wouldn't be surprised if she died savin polar bears from a blizzard."  
"... ... ..." Trowa pointed out.  
"True." Duo conceded, grinning at the uncomfortable look on Wolfwood's face. "Hey, has anyone seen Hiei?"  
"Now that you mention it..." Botan said, looking around the lounge curiously, "I don't think I've seen him since last night. And that redhead isn't here, either."  
"Maybe they're scrumpin in a broom closet." Duo suggested brightly, seconds before a thorny whip connected with the back of his head.  
"I thought I told you to leave me out of your vulgar jokes." Kurama said mildly, although his cheeks were touched with an interesting pink hue. "I do not appreciate them in the least."  
"You need to loosen up, dude." Duo remarked sourly, rubbing his head. "And stop attacking me, will ya?"  
"You have to admit, Duo," Quatre interjected quietly, not taking his eyes off the Monopoly board in front of him, "you kind of deserved that. And keep those greasy mitts away from my bank, Yusuke."  
"Yes, Mastah!" Yusuke exclaimed, saluting the blond while Trowa shook his head and moved his piece to the Free Parking space.  
"That's the fifth time this game!" Vash yelled. "That's not fair! I haven't landed there once!"  
"Welcome to the real world, Needle Noggin." Wolfwood said.  
"... ..."  
"Hell if I know." Quatre said as Vash burst out laughing and Wolfwood growled under his breath.  
"He's mocking me, isn't he?" The gray-eyed priest demanded indignantly.  
  
Satanira slowly opened her eyes, blinking against the semi-bright lights of Sick Bay until the healing spells she'd inlaid into the steel ceiling came into sharp focus. She carefully turned her head from side to side, seeing if anyone else was in the large, sterile room with her.  
"Sa-chan." She called, activating the medico android she'd built in Sasami's image. She'd need the help, if the leaden feeling in her arms and legs was any indication.  
"Yes, Nira-chan?" The blue-haired construct asked, gliding over to Satanira's bedside. "How can I help you?"  
"I need to know if my temperature, heart rate, and other vital signs are off, please." The blond instructed.  
"Your temperature is 98.8, which is two degrees higher than your recorded norm." Sa-chan said, closing her eyes to better access Sick Bay's complex data stream "All other vital signs are regular. Do you need anything else?"  
"I need to get back to my quarters. Cabin 612, level C. Will I need assistance to make it that far in my current condition?"  
"It would be advisable to seek assistance, as data says that the muscles in your limbs and extremities may not respond correctly to stimuli."  
"Laymen's terms, Sa-chan."  
"Yer legs ain't gonna work right."  
  
Yay! Finally done! It's been long while since I've worked on any of my old stories, what with all the new stuff I've been working on... 


	6. Disconnection

Satanira sat on the edge of her bed, swinging he legs idly while Dorothy and Sally Po rifled through her very limited wardrobe.

"Don't you have anything formal?" Dorothy demanded, tossing yet another faded, grease-stained jumpsuit over her shoulder with a slight grimace.

"Nope." Satanira said with a heavy sigh, folding the crumpled jumpsuit and putting it on top of a pile of similar garments. "Everything I own has to be dispensable. I spend as much as twenty hours a day around machines in various states of disrepair, and I'm usually fixing them. I don't want grease and oil stains on a fancy dress."

"I suppose so." Dorothy said, digging deeper into the mound of clothes in the closet. "It's just wrong for a girl to not have at least one dress is all."

"I might have one in there somewhere, but it probably won't fit." Satanira said, catching a ratty old tee shirt and folding it. "It's been so long I don't even remember what color it is."

"Oh, my god!" Sally Po exclaimed from the back of the closet. "Oh my god, it's beautiful!" The brunette tumbled out of the closet with a bundle of black cloth in her arms.

"I still have that thing?" Satanira asked, taking the dress. "I thought I tossed this ages ago."

"Why would you do that?" Sally Po asked, fingering the wide black satin ribbon near the hem. "It's so pretty."

"It was way too big when I got it, so I guess I just tossed it in there and forgot about it."

"Maybe it'll fit now." Dorothy said, standing up and unbuttoning Satanira's shirt against the older blond's protests. "Let's see."

* * *

"Presenting the all-new, improved, totally glamorous, knock-out Miss Satanira!" Dorothy exclaimed with an extravagant flourish, and a very flustered Satanira was pushed into the main lounge.

"This isn't fair." Satanira grumbled, tugging on the bands of her gloves. She looked like an heiress, dressed entirely in black with silver jewelry.

The dress itself was sleeveless and reached about halfway to her knees, with a semi-pleated skirt, her gloves reached well past her elbows, and the sheer black bow in her hair brushed her calves. Her hair had been pulled back into a half bun and decorated with delicate silver chains. She had on fancy dress heels and several thin anklets, along with a matching set of bracelets and a few rings. Her shoes were soft black half boots with half-inch heels. To top the outfit off, she wore a heavy cross and chain around her otherwise plain waist.

"Well?" She asked the impromptu judge's panel of Heero, Quatre, Wolfwood, Miroku, and Kurama. "Am I fit to appear before a queen?"

"If you remember to curtsy instead of bow." Heero said.

"You look lovely, Miss Satanira." Quatre said, kicking Heero in the shin.

Wolfwood's comment of 'Blondie cleans up nice' was ignored for the most part, as was Miroku's invitation to father Satanira's first child, which only earned him several whacks on the head from various heavy objects.

"It appears we are all in agreement." Kurama said, chuckling. "The consensus stands at a perfect ten, my lady."

"Thanks, guys." Satanira said, smiling, as she turned on her toes and marched to the control bank. "Now we just have to figure out where the hell this Serenity holds court, and we're set." She sat down in her usual chair and began pounding away on the keys, pausing every now and then to read something. "And would you believe it's on the moon? Something's seriously wrong with these people."

"Well, we do have an army base on the moon in our world." Quatre said.

"An army base is one thing. These people have a whole nation up there. And that nation controls the single nation known as Earth."

"That is weird." Duo said, walking over and peering at the screen. "Considering this change in circumstances, I think we should have a bodyguard accompany our lovely mistress on her diplomatic mission."

"Is all the fancy talk a way of nominating yourself?" Relena asked.

"Nope. I have no idea how to act in a court of any kind, save a food court." Duo said matter-of-factly. "And I don't look near intimidating enough."

"That lets most of you pipsqueaks out." Wolfwood said, snorting. "Only Spandex Boy and Chopsticks over there look more dangerous than houseplants."

"I find that strangely resentful." Wufei said. "Well, Yuy? Feel up to the job?"

"I can take care of myself, you know!" Satanira said loudly, crossing her arms over her chest. "Even in heels, I can kick just about any normal assassin's ass, not to mention I have weapons on me." She huffed, very put out that her shipmates seemed to think her helpless enough to need a bodyguard.

"But it's not proper for an unmarried lady of such high standing as yourself to go to a foreign court alone." Quatre protested. "For the sake of appearances, take someone with you."

"Oh, fine! But only because Q-chan wants me to."

"We need someone intimidating, knowledgeable of courtly graces, and powerful." Sally Po said thoughtfully. "And handsome. I can't think of anyone who fits all of those requirements."

"Let's start with knowledge of courtly graces." Dorothy said. "That narrows it down to Quatre, Kurama, Heero, Hiei, and Miroku."

"Take out any of those five that isn't intimidating, and we have Heero and Hiei." Catherine added. "So which one?"

"I'm not doing it." Heero said. "I said it first, and no one can make me get off this ship. Knock me out of the running."

"Which leaves me with Hiei." Satanira said, pouting. "C'mon, Hee-chan, you know I don't get along with Hiei! You can't knowingly stick me with him like that!"

"I can and I will." Heero said evenly. "I'll go inform Hiei of his mission." He added, standing and walking back to Hiei's cabin.

"I hate you all." Satanira snapped crossly, slouching in her chair. "Especially Hiei." She added, sliding off the thing entirely and landing on the floor with an ungraceful thump, managing to flash the entire room in the process.

* * *

Princess Minako of Venus ran as fast as her tight dress and dignity permitted to the side entrance of the throne room, her face flushed with excitement. She had big news, and she had to tell her friends before they found out on their own.

Slipping silently into the vaulted chamber, Minako made her way to the corner where the princesses of the inner planets always met. Rei of Mars and Makoto of Jupiter were there, but Ami of Mercury was missing.

"Rei, Makoto!" She whispered urgently, sidestepping an old noble with a courteous nod and running over to them. "You'll never guess what I saw!"

"A cute guy?" Rei asked, rolling her huge violet eyes as she adjusted the straps of Minako's gold dress.

"There were a lot of those, too." Minako said, returning the favor by tugging on the sleeves of Rei's old-fashioned red dress to make them even. "But right now, I'm more concerned with the incredibly hot blond dressed all in black and silver on her way to this very room as we speak!"

"Wow, Minako." Ami said, appearing out of nowhere, book in hand. "You do realize you just called a girl hot, right?"

"She is!" Minako exclaimed. "When she and her bodyguard get here, you'll see what I mean! The ship she got off of was huge! She must be a princess of the Center Kingdoms, I'm telling you! She's got so much silver jewelry on, too" the enthusiastic blond trailed off, dreaming of the mystery princess's jewels and probable wealth.

The herald announced the beginning of court by leading in some minor nobles with minor problems. The four girls waited impatiently while the queen dealt with the usual business.

"The Lady Satanira of the noble Masaki line requests audience with her imperial majesty, Queen Serenity of the Moon." The herald by the door announced.

"The queen consents to the request." Queen Serenity said in a quiet, carrying voice. "Show her lady in."

The giant doors swung ponderously inward, and there stood none other than the blond Minako had seen.

Her thin black heels clicking on the marble, she made her way to within exactly the appropriate distance of the throne, the sheer bow in her hair swaying against her legs. Exactly four steps behind her and one to the right was a short, dark-haired man who could be nothing but a bodyguard. She made a polite bow that was half-curtsy and fixed the Queen with a dazzling smile.

"We have heard many great things about your lovely country, your Majesty." She said. "Our humble home could never compare to such splendor."

"We are pleased that you find our kingdom so appealing, Lady." Serenity said. "But I fear your name is unfamiliar to us."

"Well it should be, your Majesty." She said, grinning broadly. "After all, I'm only the apprentice of a scientist from a different dimension."

Amid the disbelieving gasps of the court, the princesses heard the bodyguard hiss something, reaching under his black cloak. Whatever he'd planned on doing was cut off by an imperious gesture from the girl, who still faced the throne.

"You needn't fear I'm mad, your Majesty." She said. "I have a ship moored in your spaceport, crewed by people from three different dimensions, none of them my own. I can offer you proof of my claims, if you wish, but I can't stay here more than a day. We must speak privately."

"You do realize that is impossible, don't you?" Serenity said, raising one delicate eyebrow.

"I said privately, your Majesty." Satanira countered, grinning impishly. "Not alone. In fact, I'd rather your senshi join us in this little chat. They need to hear what I know as well." She paused for a moment, then added, "And my bodyguard will accompany me, of course."

* * *

"Next time you try to kill me, come right out and shoot me, will you?" Hiei all but shouted as soon as the two were alone in a private audience chamber. "Don't try and give me a heart attack! You weren't supposed to come out and say that in front of the entire court!"

"Jeez, calm down, Hiei." Satanira said, opening the large cross on her belt and shaking out a small capsule. "Help me get changed, will you?" She asked, somehow turning the capsule into a small knapsack and pulling out her usual skintight sleeveless black skinsuit.

"W-what?!" He demanded, wondering if he'd heard her right.

"Don't get all flustered, Shorty." She scoffed. "I can't get out of all this metal shit on my own, and I can't reach the damned zipper on this stupid thing. Now help me out here before the queen comes in and finds me half-undressed, okay?"

"Fine." He said, marching over and helping her unload the heavy jewelry, trying his damnedest not to blush.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Hiei!" She exclaimed when she slipped out of the dress itself. "You're red as a fucking tomato! Why don't you just throw me down and have your way with me right now?! Get it the hell over with!"

"J-just get your damned skinsuit on." Hiei ordered, averting his eyes. "I'm a man after all, and you know damn well how attractive you are."

"Aw, Shorty, I didn't know you cared." Satanira said sarcastically, shoving her legs into her skinsuit and yanking it up over her shoulders.

"Shut up." He said sourly, growling under his breath as Satanira zipped up the front of her skinsuit and the door to the little room opened, revealing Queen Serenity and a small group of young women.

"Hello again, your Majesty." Satanira said politely, half-bowing to Serenity. "Your Highnesses." She added to the girls.

The responses of the girls were a little jumbled, but Hiei could have sworn the one with long blonde hair whispered to the brunette next to her, 'I told you she was hot!'

"You made some interesting claims back in that throne room, little girl." A slender beauty with hard blue eyes and wavy aqua hair said, crossing her arms and glaring suspiciously at Satanira. "How about that proof you mentioned?"

"Oh, knock it off, Michiru." The sandy blond next to the aqua-haired woman said happily, draping an arm over her companion's shoulder. "She's unarmed, and if she had any power to speak of, our Royal Priestess would be all over her like a rabid dog on an old bone."

"I do not act like a rabid dog in any sense of the comparison, Haruka-san." A dignified girl dressed in red with long raven hair retorted haughtily, crossing her arms and turning her nose up at the older girl. "So please keep such vulgar phrases to yourself."

"Oh, calm down, Rei-chan!" The first blond exclaimed cheerfully, throwing her arms around the other girl's shoulders. "Haruka-san's just teasing!"

"Yeah, Shorty." Haruka said, still smiling. "I was teasing your royal Uptightness. So do us all a favor and get over yourself, okay?"

"Anyway" Satanira shouted over the girls, glaring crossly at them. "You want proof? Go ask Sailor Pluto. She'll tell you that I'm from another dimension, and that my crew is, too. Not to mention all the technological advances I have that you've never even dreamed of."

**

* * *

**

**DISCONTINUED**

_Okay, so it hasn't really been discontinued. I'm just going to rewrite it, seeing if I can keep a steady plot this time. This is all nice and funny, but it's not what I intended. Please bear with me; my muse abandoned me recently, and I have yet to find a new one, so my who creative psyche has been thrown off balance._

_- Satanira Rondinez Patton_


End file.
